Pondering

I Read A New Book!

In Which Our Heroine Celebrates A Small Win

In order for you, Dear Reader, to understand how exciting the title of this entry is, I should give you some background.

As soon as I learned how to read, I had my nose in a book pretty much constantly. The Library was one of my very favorite places. I would check out books and books and read them all and then come back, ravenous for More: More stories, More adventures, More fictional friends, More Words.

This continued into adulthood. Even when I was in college, I managed to find some time to read fiction, to continue to meet new fictional friends, to go on more adventures in my imagination. It was good for me. I was focused. I had a great attention span. I still reread old favorites, too, because revisiting old friends is important. Refreshing one’s memories of stories is still one of my favorite things.

When the Lockdown hit in 2020, my focus vanished. I felt like I couldn’t hold onto anything for more than five minutes, like I couldn’t plan. Social media helped me feel more connected, but it didn’t help my focus. I still read, but only the same, familiar stories over and over. They were comforting. I knew how they ended and that, at least in books, everything turned out fine. They were a certain thing in a world that felt very uncertain.

Our world still feels uncertain, but I’ve been finding my feet again. I’ve been trying to avoid The Dreaded Scrolling (though it’s so tempting!), drink lots of water, stay grounded, and deal with my anxiety. I’ve been making progress, which makes me happy! But what made me the happiest yesterday was this.

I finished a book.

A new book. A book I had never read before. In this case, Gifts by Ursula K. Le Guin.

What’s more, I finished most of it in one sitting. I didn’t have to fight to focus on it. It was as if I’d rediscovered the magic of a good storyteller, the kind that grabs hold of you and won’t let go until the end (or until you’re caught reading under the covers and your parents tell you to go to sleep because you have school in a few hours).

And now, I’m excited about the next one. I’m excited about taking time to get sucked into a story and go on new adventures. I’m excited about being able to enjoy long form fiction again – and to get back into writing some of my own. (I used to write a lot, too.)

Finishing a new book feels like such a small thing, but I feel like it has big implications. And I feel encouraged.

What have you been reading lately? Let me know if you have any recommendations!

Pondering · Travel

Looking Forward To Feels

In Which Our Heroine Tries A Different Approach To Planning For 2026

I was reading one of my favorite blogs, From The Pen Cup, and Mary talked about a journaling prompt from The Book of Alchemy. The prompt encourages one to write a “To Feel” list for the year, rather than a “To Do” list.

This really resonated with me. I tend to get very focused on my Tasks and What they are, rather than Why those Tasks are important – which is what I think the “To Feel” list is meant to help one focus on. The Purpose, as it were, that guides what you want to do.

This is similar to other things I’ve read. It might be called “Intention” or “Aspiration,” even. But “To Feel” somehow felt more doable when I sat down to do this.

I made my list. I kept it relatively general and tried not to have too many items on it, as Overwhelmed was emphatically not how I wanted to feel in 2026 if it was at all avoidable.

Here’s what I came up with.

I Want To Feel:
Prepared
Organized
Connected
Calm
Creative
Healthy

I could probably add a few more, but these felt good to start with. Manageable.

Once I had these 6 Feels, I went into Trello and created a Label for each one.

This is the top right corner of my Trello Board for this month (also known as my DigiBuJo).

That done, I went through my current Task Lists & assigned at least one Feel to each task. I’m an extremely visual person, and this meant I could see at a glance which Feel each Task was helping me work toward. If a task wasn’t helping me toward any of those feels, I deleted it.

This has really helped me over the past couple of weeks. For one thing, it lets me look at my list of things to do today and notice any gaps. I want to try to make sure I do one task in each category each day.

There are some obstacles, of course. Motivation is something I continue to struggle with, even for things that I really want to do or that I know are good for me. I’m working on ways to break down resistance and remove obstacles in order to make doing things easier. I know my ADHD means I’m living on Hard Mode, so I’m also trying to give myself a little grace.

I read a really great tip Somewhere On The Internet (of course I can’t remember where): People are generally more successful at retaining habits if they add one habit at a time – say, one a month or so – instead of creating a ton of Resolutions and trying to implement them all at once. If one focuses on one habit, it gives one a chance to incorporate that habit into one’s life so that it becomes natural and takes less and less willpower to do. Then, when one adds the next habit, the previous habit needs less focus, and one can devote one’s efforts to acquiring the next habit without dropping the previous ones.

For me, January’s Habit is working on my Italian and building that study habit. So far, I have done at least one Italian lesson in Babbel every day since January 6, which was when I started. With perseverance, I will be able to continue this habit as I add 11 others throughout 2026. (This habit supports my “Prepared” Feel – Alex & I are going to Italy in May with some friends, and I want to be at least conversational in Italian by that time.) I’m feeling pretty hopeful about this one!

What goals have you set for yourself for 2026? Have you ever put together a “To Feel” list? What are you looking forward to? Let me know in the comments.

I know there’s some seriously rough and scary stuff coming at us in 2026, but I also know that there are Bright Sparks in the form of good people and joyful moments. May you have many of both.

Pondering · Uncategorized

Dragon Magic

In Which Our Heroine Reflects On Light And The Joy Engendered By Shiny Plastic Objects

I’ve been meaning to write this entry for a while. Life has been busy here (as usual), as I’m sure it’s been for you, Dear Reader. It feels like time gets away from me faster and faster every year, despite my efforts to try to slow down, be mindful, and notice the good things in life as they (seemingly) flash past.

This is a time of Growing Darkness, when we head toward the Shortest Day of the Year, when we look forward to a New Year and, hopefully, growth and renewal. In the meantime, though, Gloom can prevail. And as we get older, it can feel like the light and magic and joy of this time of year is a little faded, a little tired.

Little things can help. This is one of my coping mechanisms:

A pink drawstring bag. What could be inside?

This is my Dragon Bag. It stays in my handbag and goes everywhere with me, and here is what it contains:

Here there be dragons!

I produce these little dragons in sets of six or eight on my 3D Printer, and then, when I go out into the world, I look for people who might want a little friend. Doing this encourages me to really notice the people around me. Offering a dragon helps me form connections with people, if only for a moment. They’re a great way to say “thank you” or just “I see you.” And they’re small enough to fit in someone’s pocket or not take up too much room on their desk or on a shelf or in a bag. They’re a constant reminder that someone thought that a teensy flexible plastic dragon was just what you needed and offered you one.

The best part of having dragons on me is the absolute delight that strangers and friends both express when they’re offered a teensy dragon of their own. Gender, age, color, and creed don’t matter – dragons seem to be universally loved. And sometimes, giving a dragon leads to a conversation, a story, an insight into another person. I’ve left dragons along with my tip at restaurants and then, when I go back, I’ve been informed of what that dragon’s name is and where it lives now. I can’t even express how happy that makes me. It’s the best win-win that I’ve found this year, and I’m going to keep handing out dragons next year and the year after that and so on.

This isn’t going to Save Humanity or bring World Peace. But it can make a difference between a day that is Crappy and a day that is Crappy With A Little Random Joy In It.

All of this to say that I hope that you also find this kind of bright spark as we head toward the darkest time of the year, whether it’s through giving or receiving or both. Please remember that there is still light, and magic, and surprises (good ones).

I’ll see you on the other side of the Solstice. Brighter days are ahead.

A Plastic Dragon enjoys Plastic Fire.

Pondering · Travel · Uncategorized

Reflection On Rest

In Which Our Heroine Reflects On The Effects Of A Weekend Well Spent

A View Over Mercer Lake, Oregon

Sometimes, one just needs to get away and recharge, and Alex and I were lucky enough to do that last weekend.

We started with a beautiful drive…

The Oregon Coast as seen over the bonnet of our Jaguar XK120

Alex helped one of our friends build a 3D Printer. We cooked delicious food.

Panko-And-Herb-Encrusted Rack Of Lamb, Potato Pavé, Toasted Baguette, Salad. This is just one of the several delicious things we cooked and consumed.

I relaxed with our other friend.

Paint Gems, a Lovely Friend, Butterfinger, and Bourbon – what’s not to love?

Alex and I really needed this weekend, and I am so grateful to have friends who invite us out to their peaceful sanctuary. I slept so well, and I went home feeling refreshed and rejuvenated. We’ve been so busy lately that it’s felt like we haven’t had time to just sit and appreciate those happy moments while we’re experiencing them.

We’ve been getting back into the busy groove this week, preparing to drive a 1949 Maserati for 1000 miles in northern California! But thanks to that break at the lake, I feel ready to take on whatever comes.

I wish all of you that peace, whether you get it for a minute or a weekend. See you later this week!

Pondering

On The Go

In Which Our Heroine Ponders The Advantages Of Blogging From A Portable Device

A broken scallop shell that I found on a trip to the Oregon Coast a few weeks ago, held in my hand. My blurple nail polish coordinates nicely with the colors of the shell. There is blurry sand in the background.

One of my goals for myself this year is to write here more frequently. Unfortunately, being me, I have a tendency to put pressure on myself to write up the perfect updates or essays at my computer and, due to my Amazing Powers of Procrastination, I wind up being overwhelmed by the sheer amount of Stuff that I want to tell you. Than, I go away and try to plan a series of updates, and the cycle continues.

In the interests of getting around this issue, I have installed an app on my phone that will allow me to update on the road, wherever I go. I’m hoping that this will make things quick and easy and low-pressure for me as I go about my daily activities. This will also give me the advantages of things like Instagram while I continue to try to dodge The Almighty Algorithms.

The photo of the shell above is particularly apropos, I feel. It is a souvenir of a trip. (The photo is, anyway – I left the shell on the beach.) It is imperfect, broken, and beautiful. It’s a good reminder that things don’t have to be perfect in order for me to share them with you.

Thanks for sticking with me on this journey. There is much more to come.

Confessions · Knitting · Pondering

You Don’t Have To Do That – At Least, Not That Way

In Which Our Heroine Reflects On Who Is Truly The Boss Of Her

A grid-ruled notebook in a leather cover lies open. You can see some notes in black pen. A phone in a star-patterned case with an iridescent Pop Socket on the back and a wrist loop lies on top of the notebook.

Like many people with ADHD, I struggle with staying organized. I need routines and systems, and I feel (or have felt) that I needed to follow those specific systems To The Letter if they were going to be effective. I thought that, once I found the right System, all I would need is Discipline and Willpower. And then, everything would fall into place and be perfect forever. I just needed to Follow The Rules.

I’ve discovered that my brain doesn’t work that way. I need multiple tools and, sometimes, a tool that worked really well for me in the past doesn’t work for me now. I’ve started to realize that Rigidity and Complete Commitment to a System are actually counterproductive, which feels weird to me. Shouldn’t an easily-distracted person work better with a Strict Structure?

I’ve had these expectations of myself that I thought were coming from outside/society/friends and family. Actually, most of those expectations came from inside myself. I wanted to do things The Right Way – i.e. the way that looked like it worked for other people.

Then, I discovered How To ADHD while I was reading up on Basic Bullet Journals. (That’s a YouTube link there, and it’ll take you to the channel.) It was unbelievably helpful in helping me realize that It’s Good and Healthy for me to be Flexible. There’s no shame in my brain working differently, and it’s better to work with my brain than against it.

This feels obvious, no? But sometimes, human brains block the obvious because of the Rules. The Rules say that there’s One Right Way To Do Things. It took a bit for me to realize that there are other options, and that it’s OK to explore and figure out what works for me. Flexibility and Reflection are the keys. As long as I accomplish my goals, why should it matter to anyone else how I do that?

Well, maybe it might matter if How I Do That would also help you. So here’s a very quick summary of what’s in my Toolbox:

Right now, my Tools are:

  • B6 Slim Notebook & Pen (as a modified Bullet Journal, because Paper and Pen help me focus and it’s easier to brain dump this way)
  • Trello (my secondary brain app where all of my Bullet Journal Collections and Trackers live)
  • Google Calendar (so I don’t forget appointments)
  • Finch (my self care app that makes me happy and reminds me to do important things like Stretching and Breathing Exercises)

If you’d like to know more about any of the things I mentioned above, leave a comment and I’ll tell you more about how I use them. But remember – find what works for you! You’re the Boss of You! You get to make the Rules!

In conclusion, check out my latest Finished Object:

A knitted cowl in stripes of green, grey, orange, red, and blue on a grey background.

This is the Astronomy KAL from Gauge Dye Works. The idea was that we got to knit one stripe per day of February, and each non-grey stripe represents some sort of astronomical phenomenon. It was really fun, and I’d like to do another one.

But I finished it yesterday. Because I make the Rules.

Confessions · Introductions · Pondering

Pride & Progress 🏳️‍🌈

In Which Our Heroine Ponders Pride, Progress And All That Entails

It’s LGBTQIA+ Pride Month! That means it’s time for me to ramble a little bit, as well as repair yet another oversight.

My wrist, complete with rainbow watchband and bisexual flag themed chain mail bracelet.

I came out as bisexual in 2020 – at least, I did to my friends, some of my family, and most of my social media at the time. But I didn’t do that here, so I am now. So, hi, I’m bi. It’s rather wild and wonderful to discover (or realize) that about one’s self in one’s mid-40s, but hey. Better late than never, right?

To be fair, being bi doesn’t really change anything about my life – at least, not to the outside world. I’m still happily married to a wonderful man, and I don’t feel the urge to be with anyone else. My family is supportive, even if my childhood church isn’t. In general, for me, coming out was pretty low-risk, and it’s turned out really well! I’m learning all kinds of things about myself. I’m growing.

I realize (oh do I ever) that I’m one of the lucky ones. It’s easy for me, relatively speaking. I live in a very liberal state. And if I didn’t, if I wanted to, I could take off my shiny bracelet and pass as completely straight. After all, I thought I was straight for most of my life.

But I refuse to take off that bracelet. I have that luxury, too. I am very unlikely to be attacked in any way for being myself. The worst I risk is a disapproving look. But keeping that flag flying will hopefully help other people to be able to do the same.

I still believe that Love will win in the end. I believe that progress is being made, even though that progress may feel like it’s under constant threat. I also believe that we all have to work together to make that happen.

I don’t mean that in a “happy shiny people holding hands” kind of way. I don’t mean that everything will be perfect, ever. Because it won’t, because we’re all human, and humans are messy and complicated and difficult.

But things can be better, and every one of us can help make it so.

Progress is what we can hope for, not perfection. Perfection means there’s no more growing to do. And while that sounds like a useless platitude, I don’t think it is.

Supporting a friend is progress. Writing to your Congressperson, whether they listen or not, is progress (if you’re in the USA). Reaching out and lifting others up wherever you can is progress. Acknowledging your own needs and resting is also progress, as is allowing others to lift you up.

Please be especially kind to yourself and others this month, friends. There’s so much more to come – both Pride and Progress.

Knitting · Pondering · Travel

The Best Laid Plans…

In Which Our Heroine Asks, “Is This Thing On?”

So, yeah. Hi. It’s me again, over a year from when I last posted.

“Lemme explain. No, there is too much. Lemme sum up.”

Inigo Montoya

It’s been a busy year! Like most years, there’s been some joy, some sorrow, and some growth. The problem is that I’ve been so busy doing things (and procrastinating) that I keep forgetting to share with all of you. Let me correct at least some of that right now.

We (Alex and I) got to visit Jay Leno’s engine collection in January. That was part of a prize we won at an auction in The Beforetimes at the LeMay Auto Museum Fundraiser. It was so much fun (and such a relief) to actually be able to go. Jay Leno is a delightful person. Sadly, he asked us not to post photos on social media for security reasons, so you’ll just have to use your imagination.

We did the Walk of Fame while we were in Hollywood, though, so here’s one of many photos I took of my favourite Stars:

Danny Kaye’s Star in Hollywood, California, along with my feet.

We also saw many, many museums and ate very good food. I took many beautiful photos of art, as one does.

Alex and I celebrated our 20th Wedding Anniversary in March. I think I’ll keep him.

We went to the VanDusen Botanical Garden in May for their All British Classic Car Show. This was one among many, many car events we went to this year.

All British Classic Car Show, May 20, 2023
Sports Car Market 1000 Mile Tour, June 14, 2023
All British Field Meet, September 9, 2023

Sadly, also in May, we lost our sweetest fuzzy princess after a sudden illness. We hope to remedy our catless state sometime in May 2024.

Princess Freya, In Happier Times

We went to Universal Studios and Disneyland with friends in June!

Me, posing in front of the Pride Display at Disney Downtown, June 30, 2023

We went to Italy with my parents and another couple of friends (and that could be Its Own Post Entirely).

Castello di Verrazzano, Greve in Chianti, Italy, August 19, 2023

I knitted. A lot. Unfortunately, I forgot to take photos of most of it, so you get a nice sample photo here:

Matchy-Matchy Dress, Nail Polish, & Shoes with Pretty Knitting, July 29, 2023

I celebrated a year in Therapy in August. My anxiety is way down, I’m happy to report, though it’s still something I get to live with. Therapy is helpful.

And on December 21, Alex and I (with the massive help of our friend, Joel) launched our own YouTube Channel, Everyday To Exotic. Click the link if you feel like watching. It’s for people who like cars, as well as for people who couldn’t care less about cars. You get to see me and Alex being silly and informative, as well as some absolutely gorgeous footage of our cars in the stunning scenery that Oregon provides.

(It’s very cool. We have Official Chairs and Everything.)

Everyday To Exotic Director Chairs, Plus Knitting and a Hat, In The Studio

This year, I’m beginning as I mean to go on. That means more writing, more photos, and more sharing. I hope to spend a lot more time here and to post much more frequent updates. Here’s to 2024!

Me, taking a Selfie at an Odd Angle, wearing a Handknit Hat and Feeling Hopeful
Pondering

2023, Day 1

In Which Our Heroine Reflects On The Value Of Inspiration, Joy, and Connection

I had about a bazillion thoughts to share with you over the past months, but life got busy and I fell into the trap of wanting to make my Blog Entry just perfect and then I got distracted and had a bit of an anxiety attack (I’m feeling better now, thank you) and now it’s 2023 and I never got around to writing that Perfect Post.

So you get this instead.

I was reading over my Other Blog (Ovis Obscura: Where There’s Wool, There’s A Way) and I noticed something: I wrote that blog much more like I wrote my Livejournal back in the day. It feels natural and unplanned, like I’m just talking to you about what’s going on in my life. It feels personal. I liked that, and I miss it.

I tried to make this blog more planned, more polished. I still want it to include Useful Things like Tutorials and Reviews Of Things I Love, but I also think it’s important to include personal things and to write when I want to write, not wait until I can assemble a Beautiful Essay. (Though I’ll admit that I want to present you with a few of those, too.)

Being able to write when inspiration hits is important. And that’s something I want to carry forward into 2023. I think I overplan, and guess what? That feeds into my anxiety! Joy. (Sarcasm here, in case that wasn’t obvious.)

A friend of mine posted this article to her Book of Faces this morning, and it definitely helped inspire this train of thought: The Verge: Bring Back Personal Blogging. One of the Many Things I’m doing to Marie Kondo My Life in 2023 is leaving Twitter. It has served its purpose in my life, and it no longer sparks joy. And that’s okay! Twitter and role playing with friends on that platform got me through some tough times, especially in 2019 – 2022. (I would argue that was a rough time for most people.) I did love Twitter as a way of getting my thoughts out there, and the character limit was a fun writing challenge. But now? It’s Back To The Blog. I’m keeping those friendships in other formats and on other platforms, but the Blog is going to be my Main Channel For Shouting Into The Void.

Well, not quite into the Void. After all, you’re all out there.

It’s been a rough year. I’m glad you’re here.

I hope to be here more often.

2023 will be a better year, I hope, if only because I’m on the lookout for the good stuff. I’m going to try to be kind, to myself and to others, and to give myself grace when I fail or don’t remember to do everything or just mess up a little bit. (I’m really good at beating myself up! I’d like to actually get worse at that.)

In conclusion (for now), here’s something I posted to my Tumblr. I wish this for you, me, and everybody.

A Wish For All Of You In 2023:

May you find peace with yourself and with others.
May Kindness and Love find you and spring from you.
May you recognize Perfect Moments, and may they stay in your memory for when you need them again.
May this year spark joy.

Marie Kondo strikes a pose while rainbow colored animated letters spell out "Spark Joy"
Confessions · Pondering

On Time: How It’s Going

In Which Our Heroine Reflects On Modern Times And Her Attempts To Manage

Time is a strange thing. Lately, it feels particularly illusory – like it’s gone in a flash. At the same time, I feel as though I have nowhere near enough time to do the things I want to do. This is mainly because, when I sit down to do the things I want to do, I keep getting interrupted by either the things I have to do or the Existential Unease that seems to be a side effect of simply existing in the world today.

For me, a lot of that Existential Unease comes from feeling a lack of control. I don’t feel like I can plan things like meetings or even time to myself, because emergencies and cancellations seem continuous. My focus is dogged by constant reminders of the uncertainty of life. I feel like I never know what’s going to happen next, and that bothers me (to put it extremely mildly). It also makes it very difficult for me to manage my time and my goals.

It’s important to acknowledge all of that. Doing so allows me to look at what’s not working so that I can adjust and do something that does work. I also need to acknowledge that I can’t control other people’s behavior or the laws of time and space. However, I can control how I handle my own life and set boundaries for myself around my time. The whole point of time management is to make it so that I can get through the ‘have tos’ efficiently so I can spend time on the ‘want tos.’

I also need to give myself a break. Sometimes, things don’t work out the way I planned them. Looking at the circumstances surrounding that will help me do better next time – or just let it go if it turns out there was no way I could have controlled or foreseen the outcome. That’s all part of figuring out what works and what doesn’t.

An excellent practical example of this for me is this Blog. I had every intention of posting an entry at least once a month. I plugged that task into Habitica and started organizing ideas. I have a System (more on that in another entry) that has worked well for me for my Bullet Journal, though I’d never used it to organize a writing project before. Every month I missed, I got upset with myself. I would sit down to write and obsess about creating a Real Blog Entry that would be witty and informative (or, at least, witty). And then I’d freeze up, close the document, and go do something else, and the Entry would remain a disjointed bunch of unpublished snippets.

And honestly, I’ve realized that’s just plain silly.

This Blog is never going to be perfect, but it can get better. And the only way that’s going to happen is if I practice. So, I’ve given up on thinking of each Blog Entry as a polished, finished thing. I’ve started thinking of them as Published Practice instead. And in order to practice, I need to devote more time to that practice. And that’s not going to happen unless I carve out actual blocks in my schedule for it. I have to develop a regular habit of writing.

And how am I going to manage that, when I don’t have a regular schedule and never know when I’m going to be interrupted? I need to do some analysis of my current System and habits and have a look at my calendar. I need to come up with a Plan. And I know I’m going to need some help – both from actual people and from my handy-dandy electronic devices.

I’ll let you know how that goes next time, Dear Reader.

Keep well until then!